paper + dead brain cells= ANGST

Much has changed. There is always something better after almost perfectly rotting for five years! After wanting to get my butt out of hell disguised as a university, I ended up facing the computer everyday of my life killing all my brain cells to write up a good paper. Sure, this is way better than rotting; this is, in fact, dying. It’s good to know I am quite alive because I am somehow dying. I don’t know how bad the world is for others…and how I made the world terrible for others. But I think I deserve to blog all my angst out…regardless of whether I deserve to be heard or not.

the other girl

Everyone seemed to know of the new girl. I checked out her site and she seemed to be the coolest chick alive. Well, she had the same world as yours…online games, computer stuffs, blog entries...and you seemed to care about her too…judging from comment exchanges from the two of you. I am kind of happy for you, but I hope you won’t believe this claim too much. Anyways, today, I have finally gotten over the mood swings…and it seemed there are still many things left uncelebrated…my mother’s new hairstyle, my brother’s new girlfriend(s), my other brother’s successful diet scheme, my sister’s high test scores and my other sister’s elementary graduation. As for me, I have to check my pulse; I may be dead. It’s been a long time since I had something new to celebrate…perhaps, if you could think about me too...just the other girl from a blurring past. Or maybe, I should get a new haircut too? Yeah. I think I need a new haircut.:p

remainder

Chances of redeeming my self seemed to never really come; so, still, I feel trapped in the series of destructive choices I made in the past. Learning from mistakes is never the case for me. I am suffering from these mistakes which cost not just my pathetic life. Failure has mastered its way to get back at me. I had one cheek totally destroyed, and I am giving the other one to complete the injury. But none of these actions seemed to conclude the suffering. Pride has left me long ago. Whatever will become of me is never the concern right now. I am summoning all my strength that I may only be imagining in the hopes of rescuing what remained of my future.